Dean on Entertainment Tonight
    Volume 3, Issue 5 - June 2  '99

Hi Everybody, (you know who you are)

As I type this email, the letters on my alphanumeric keyboard are slowly melting into a grey plastic puddle on my desk. No, I havenít been eating mushrooms, itís just really hot and I havenít gotten around to installing the air-conditioner in my office yet.

I hope everybodyís doing well and enjoying the nice weather weíve been experiencing here in the northern hemisphere. And while Iím at it, allow me to express my sincere apologies to those of you who happen to live in places like New Zealand and Australia, for wishing you a happy spring (last email) when in fact itís the middle of autumn down-under and getting chillier by the minute. In fact, Iím not sure how you feel about us northern-hemis referring to you as living down-under, when, depending on your point of view, you could be the ones living topside, while weíre actually the ones clinging to the bottom of this spinning globe. Down is Up. Up is Down. Last week astronomers (or astrologers Ė thereís not much difference as far as I can tell.) decided the universe was around 12 billion years old. Uh, oh. A pre-adolescent universe. Be prepared for 6 billion years of snide remarks and a sarcastic attitude. Iím sure weíll all be relieved when itís finally time for it to leave home and 
get an education. But where will it go to acquire wisdom and knowledge, you ask? Why, to a university, of course! 

O.K. Iíd better get off the subject of astronostrolomy or Iíll have to expound on my alternative theory of gravity which incorporates my super-yarn theory and variation on Einsteinís oft quoted remark, ďGod doesnít play craps with the universe.Ē This can be interpreted as suggesting that Einstein himself 
questioned the quantum mechanical components of his own theory of relativity. In my theorem, God doesnít play craps with the universe, but he does play Roulette (itís the spinning) and heís been known to bet against the house. Which doesnít make much sense seeing as itís his house.

Anyway, forget all that stuff. The real reason Iím writing (itís finally cooled off by the way, now that the sun went down) is to remind you that, barring any slight alteration in the Earthís orbit, Iím scheduled to play a solo concert on Saturday June 12th at the Merkin Concert Hall (located at 129 W67th St. NY, NY). Doors open at 8:30pm and the show starts at 9:00pm. Tickets are $25 and there are still tickets available (hint, hint). 
You can order by phone at 212-501-3330 or 1-888-275-3600 
or ONLINE at . 

Oh, and this is pretty cool: this coming weekend Sat. June 5th and Sun. June 6th the TV show Entertainment Tonight / ET will be doing a short segment on me. (Check local listings for exact times). They sent a video crew to the Turning Point gig a few weeks back and I havenít seen the segment yet but it should be pretty funny. Check it out.

And now those of you on the other side of the pond: Sorry you have to miss out on all of the fun stuff thatís going on here in the good olí US of A and to make matters worse, I regret to report that the plans for me to appear at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival have fallen through and been cancelled for this 
year. I had no control over it and was really looking forward to spending the end of August at the Festival. Hopefully, Iíll be able to organize it for next year.

However, I am confirmed to appear at the Jazz Cafť in London on September 1st which looks like it will be my only UK appearance in í99. The Jazz Cafť box office # is: 0171-916-6060 for tickets and reservations.

O.K. What else do I have to tell you? HmmmmmÖ Wait, Iím thinking. HmmmmmÖ (thatís a thinking sound, in case you were wondering)

Well, I canít think of anything else important to say. But will that stop me from typing? NO WAY! This is MY alphanumeric keypad. Bought and paid for with hard earned  dollars and Iíll type as fast as my fingers can fly. In fact, I have five furiously flying fingers flailing frantically away at the keyboard on EACH HAND!!! 

Sorry about that. You see, as some of you are no doubt already aware, Iím a lifetime member of AA. Alliterators Anonymous. I face my euphonious demons on a daily basis and wellÖ occasionally, I suffer a momentary lapse. 

Where was I? 

Oh yeah, I was writing a note that I then intend to broadcast via the internet to my email list which consists of people I know real well and people I know only slightly and some people I hardly know at all and some people Iíve never 
even met except through the website and email. This is a little confusing for me sometimes, because when I imagine who Iím writing to I get this vague, out-of-focus image of one big giant friendly face. I hope you appreciate that this a weird and unusual relationship we have. Itís not like writing some syndicated column where I have editors and protocols to adhere to. I can 
say pretty much whatever I want and the worst that can happen is youíll ask to be removed from this email list. WELL GO AHEAD! SEE IF I CARE! This freedom is a little intimidating but also quite exhilarating. Of course, I do practice a certain amount of self-censure. For example, I hardly ever talk about hemorrhoids and when was the last time you heard me make a 
Tanya Harding joke? Hardly ever, right? Well, OK once, but that was a long time ago. Iíve matured considerably since then. What Iím trying to say is, Iím still trying to get a handle on this unique form of communication. Itís a lot different than songwriting. Thereís still style involved but in some ways it can 
be more direct. Also the immediacy and ease of publishing in this format allows for unusually spontaneous and unedited (read: sloppy and meandering) prose. [Note: this email is not an example of unedited prose; on the contrary, every word of this painstakingly crafted missive was carefully weighed and 
balanced in the context of the complex narrative whole. Ė Yeah, right.]

Do I have any idea what Iím talking about? Not exactly. But it is my goal to write more frequently in an effort to better understand this new medium, so I guess this is sort of a warning. Be on the lookout for more DeanMail. And remember, youíre a crucial part of this. I really enjoy hearing from all of you, even if I canít always answer all the email I get. The main question that 
comes to mind when writing you is this: you seem like a nice bunch of people, you all own computers, I suppose you like my music, but who the hell are you, anyway? Itís a companion sentiment to the impulse that makes me write songs or newsletters in an effort to express myself and make myself understood, that is, the desire to understand my audience. Except that when Iím sitting at my computer typing away like this you donít exactly seem like an audience you seem like co-conspirators somehow. Accomplices. Almost partners in crime. 
Yeah, thatís it! We could all conspire to undermine the existing music industry monolith by supporting and buying product direct from independent artists effectively bypassing the record companies, distributors and retailers and enabling artists to actually see some money for their efforts at the end of the day. What a concept! Naaa. Itíll never work. 

Well, thatís all for now. Donít waste your precious time living other peopleís lives. Do whatís important to you and your loved ones. And donít forget to brush.

Be well,


See you at the Merkin Concert Hall June 12th.

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